Movie Virgins

Home for the Holidays

Jodie Foster offers up some good old-fashioned family drama (trauma?) in her 90s Thanksgiving masterpiece Home for the Holidays, starring Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., and Anne Bancroft. Oh, and there's a little Dylan McDermott romance shoved in there for funzies. Tangents include nostalgia for pre-9/11 airports, RDJ's drug problem, the believability of Tom Cruise in any role, and a few deep dark family secrets of our own.

Shaun of the Dead

The undead are roaming the streets, but fear not! Shaun has the perfect plan, and it ends with a nice cold pint at the Winchester. Leah and Lindsey dive into Edgar Wright's 2004 horror-comedy Shaun of the Dead, starring Simon Pegg as the bumbling hero and Nick Frost as his obnoxious but lovable best friend. It's zed-word, zed-word, zed-word, along with a few tangents: Steve Buscemi, Coldplay vs Papa Roach, Lindsey yelling at the youths of the world to get off her metaphorical lawn, and the problematic bad boy trope. And hey, you've got red on you.

Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

Feed me, Seymour! Feed me! Lindsey introduced Leah to 80s horror-comedy-musical Little Shop of Horrors, which stars the incomparable Rick Moranis. And it was a delight! Aside from dissecting Seymour's motivations, what's aged well in this film, and if you can show this to your kids, we also cover: casting the reboot (because we're getting a fucking reboot, people), that moment in every musical where Leah loses interest, Lindsey's odd hobbies/talents, ping pong shows, queefing, and the best part of Pearl Harbor. And there may be some singing a la Rick Moranis in Parenthood.

The Haunting of Bly Manor

Welcome to another VERY SPECIAL EPISODE! Ghost stories, tragic love, creepy British children, and late 80s fashion. The Haunting of Bly Manor is perfectly splendid! Lindsey and Leah binged all 9 episodes of this Netflix series, and there was a lot to discuss: Bly Manor vs Hill House (spoilers for Hill House abound), the rules of ghosts (there ARE rules), T'Nia Miller's incredible performance, Leah's preoccupation with how Oliver Jackson-Cohen smells, Lindsey's beef with Victoria Pedretti's Dani, and all the loose ends that may (or may not) have needed tidying.

Annihilation

Join us as "Doctor" Lindsey Schaefer delivers her first lecture on cellular autophagy and explains why she'd hug that creepy (yet somehow cuddly) bear monster. We dive deep into our thoughts and feelings on Natalie Portman's eyebrows, as well as what movies and stories terrified us as children and what the actual fuck is happening in this film. And we end on butts and dirty showers 'cause why the hell not.

Re-Animator

It's a Lovecraftian tale as old as time: boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy's roommate kills and raises girl's psycho stalker from the dead, psycho stalker gives new meaning to the phrase "giving head," tentacle chaos ensues, girl dies, boy injects girl with neon yellow science juice. Tangents include The Good Place (spoiler alert!), Lindsey's desire for a padded room of her very own, theories on what happens when we die, and the correct way to apply a bra. Oh, and we may have recorded this episode in the buff.

Goodfellas

As far back as she can remember, Lindsey's always loved Goodfellas. And it's been a long damn time because we're celebrating 30 years with this Scorsese classic, which was released on September 21, 1990. The story of Henry Hill's mafia career is violent, sexy, and entertaining as hell. Hot topics include Lindsey's Hoffa reincarnation fantasy, the most comedic moment in the film (RIP Spider), Joe Pesci's Oscar-winning turn, Leah's take on Debra Winger's performance (wink, wink), and our thoughts on what Marty's next big movie could be (gangsters in space?).

365 Days (feat. Textual Tension)

Are you lost, baby girl? If you answered yes or no or maybe so, then you should listen to this episode where we discuss in gruesome detail the "romance" 365 Days with Margie and Rachel from Textual Tension. We answer all your burning questions: Was this movie actually made for men (so. many. blowjobs.)? How many montages is too many? Is the fucking for real or are they just that talented? Is it rape? And why? Just…why? Also, we take a tiny Lord of the Rings tangent because why not.

Then head on over to Textual Tension and take a listen to their episode A Heart Condition Called Love, in which we join them to review and discuss the "plot" of this movie.

https://textualtensionpod.com/

Saving Private Ryan

Come one, come all to suckle at the teats of pain as Leah and Lindsey discuss Spielberg's 1998 war drama Saving Private Ryan. And the cast! Oh the cast! They've got Hanks, Sizemore, Ribisi, Burns, Goldberg, Damon, Diesel, and last, but certainly not least, Barry FUCKING Pepper. Lindsey reveals one of her trade secrets: how to tell if you're a good actor who made shitty choices in the 90s. (We're looking at you, Ed Burns, Ewan McGregor, and Jude Law.) And we brush up on our German. FUBAR is German, right?

Bronco Billy

We're bar room buddies and that's the best kiiiiiiiiiiind! Leah introduces Lindsey to Bronco Billy, an 80s classic starring Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, and Scatman Crothers. This film has everything: cowboys and cowgirls, a modern-day train robbery (!), a performance from Merle Haggard & the Strangers, and one of the best bar room brawls ever. Lindsey points out all the ways this film hasn't aged well, and we ask ourselves: Is Clint Eastwood a gross person?